wow i havent even thought about lj in forever... i guess it happened tonight because i just need somewhere to let out SOME of my feelings at least... i mean damn.
it really sucks when you realize that your "friends" arent really your friends. when you look around when times are hard and realize that HEY!! no one is there... i mean its kinda hard and kinda a tough blow but you know maybe its a good thing. maybe its time for me to realize that i should make some real friends and people who actually like me for me. people who accept me no matter what and dont think that being weird is a negative thing. or just because im a lil different, ok im a lot different. im not fucking normal and who cares??? i fucking like it. i dont need people who are gonna be mean or criticize... or even if you dont say anything you can tell by their attitudes that they think you are completely fucking stupid or just said the dumbest thing on the planet... i mean dont act like you are perfect or something! in reality i am probably a lot smarter than most of those people because i am not afraid to express who i am. i am not afraid to be myself. i am not afraid to say what i am thinking at that exact moment, and even if it comes out wrong i mean true and real friends understand. they dont hold things like that against you. its just sad to watch everyone and see what they used to be and what they have become... or maybe its me, maybe i just used to see things differently and now i can see whats really going on, from like an outside point of view or an innocent bystander. i mean sure there are tons of people who enjoy my company and love to hang around me and i know i am a lot of fun... but where are those people when you need friends? when you need someone to talk you? when you need a hug...
no, that is when they are too busy or too preoccupied or doing something else. i mean thank god out of everything that has ever happened and all the shitty people i have ever encountered that i have met a majority of people who are nice, who are genuine, who are real and who are down to earth. thank everything to those people, who will take the time out of their wonderful day to hear about your shitty one. the people who always want to make you feel better or at least try to make you smile. i mean damn, i dont know where i would be today without some of my friends. but other ones, you dont even know how you considered them friends, and you cant even remember what made you want to be their friend in the first place.
i mean, i am a nice person. what else can i say? i usually like everyone unless you are a bitch to me, but so what? i like people, and i love life (most of the time). and yes i can be a fucking bitch, ok i AM a fucking bitch, but that doesnt make me any less of a NICE person, of a down to earth caring loving life kinda girl.
so fuck all the haters... and fuck all the "friends" who will never really even want to get to know you, they just judge you for whatever reason, and never take the opportunity to get to know you, because in their minds they have already defined who you are, by one little action or one little detail. i believe in giving everyone a chance. everyone is beautiful somewhere in there, they are just too caught up in the nasty of too covered up in negativity to let their true happy beautiful selves show through.